Why Should Women Seek Help?

Photo by Masha the Ninth via X/Twitter

To give you some context, I have both inattentive and hyperactive ADHD, though I’m much more on the inattentive side. The National Institute of Mental Health states inattentive ADHD often looks like zoning out or having trouble staying focused, while hyperactive ADHD is about impulsiveness and excess energy. 

In my case, I could sit still and behave well, something drilled into me by my ex-military father. Teachers barely noticed I was struggling to stay focused and process what they were teaching. I’d fidget with my pencil or sleeves, but it wasn’t enough to draw notice.

Thelacsana Rajaganapathy, a third-year university student and professional dancer, shared a similar experience. Reflecting on her early life, she said, “During elementary school, I didn’t have a lot of trouble. I was always talkative and teachers would say I was distracting others, but they just thought I was social and didn’t think much of it.”

In high school, her challenges became more apparent. "I would mess up small things, like not reading exam questions properly, and I thought I was just forgetful. So I brushed it off as nothing big," she said.

Fourth-year university student Natalie Goyarzu had a similar experience but later in life. At 37, she never suspected she had ADHD, partly due to misconceptions about what it looked like. She recalls finding an old third-grade report card while cleaning out boxes at her mom’s house that said, “Natalie is a dreamer. She would do really well if she focused more and put her pencil to the paper…”

After reading it, she turned to her sister and asked if she thought Natalie had ADHD. Her sister replied, “Didn’t you know that?”

Photo from Natalie Goyarzu

The main catalyst for me seeking an ADHD diagnosis was social media. Before the internet gave me access to ADHD communities, I just thought (and was told) by peers and family that I was lazy.

Melissa Gummeson, a registered psychotherapist specializing in adult ADHD, particularly in women, believes social media is a valuable tool for raising awareness. “It’s very popular. People talk about ADHD like there’s an over diagnosis happening, but if getting that diagnosis helps them, I struggle to see it as a bad thing."

At first, I put off the idea of getting diagnosed. I thought I’d been managing all my life, why bother now? But by my fourth year of university, I became frustrated with myself. I felt like I was holding myself back, and falling behind my peers. 

As they were creating work, building their careers, and making connections, I still didn’t know what I wanted to do. My mind was chaotic, jumping from one thought to the next without being able to focus on anything for long.

Rajaganapathy also made a change during university when things took a turn. "I found it the hardest because during COVID-19, it was all online. I had a hard time getting stuff done. I thought I was just being lazy or that I didn’t like the program," she said. 

Her research led her to an important realization: “I realized that everything I was struggling with aligned well with ADHD.”

Even though her sister told her she thought Goyarzu had ADHD years earlier, it wasn’t until a moment in 2020 that it really sunk in for her. “I was on a date, and I started apologizing for rambling. He cut me off and asked, ‘Do you have ADHD?’ I thought, maybe I do.”

Still, it was only when her attention issues began interfering with her career that Goyarzu decided to get properly assessed. During the pandemic, she had to film self-tapes for auditions. “I noticed that when I’d lose my train of thought, my eyes would dart for a second. That’s not something I could afford as an actor,” she said.

When reflecting on her childhood, Goyarzu is aware of how ADHD impacted her in ways she didn’t understand at the time. She said she had a consistent struggle with deadlines and time management, often submitting work late and frustratingly thinking to herself, "Why can’t I do this?"

For many of us, the signs were always there, hidden behind coping mechanisms and external expectations. Seeking help wasn’t about suddenly discovering something new, but finally understanding why things had always been this way.